A startling start to a Sunday morning.
I had a dream. (I so lack originality.)
it’s not everyday that you cry in your dreams. no, no one died, no one was going to die, and no one was dead. rather, after a long Saturday, and hearing the many things going on within the caregroups in the unit (actually, only 2 events), though I think it really affected me a lot.
though I had a choice to stay out of it, ’cause these are people’s issues, not mine. but I know I’m called not just to be a child of God, but also to live and love the people He has placed around me.
and through it all, after the dream and the issues, I really think that God has something to say about myself.
I know I’ve been loving God, I know I’ve been loving my sheep. but have I really made the effort to love the people within my caregroup, my unit or for that matter, everyone within the church? even more so, the people outside? this selfishness, of taking care of myself and people closest to me, may have contributed to the many problems I’ve heard. at the end of it all, I could have made the difference.
you could have made the difference. (not referring to anyone in particular though.)
with the things and gifts that God has given to me, am I undermining them by under-utilising them? am I using them only to serve my sheep rather than everyone? have I ever burned midnight oil, just to go that extra mile for someone not my sheep? (somewhere deep in the recesses of James’ soul echoes a no…)
how about for someone that I’m not that close with, just an ordinary caregroup member?
the dream, it seemed so real. the dejectedness, they were unaccepted. they knew God, but they never experienced Him through the family. such an irony isn’t it, the family of God is supposed to be a family to help us draw closer to God and His people.
I felt so guilty. guilty that I’ve been so selfish, satisfying only what I thought mattered to me. the “I-take-care-of-my-people-and-you-take-care-of-yours-the-end” mindset.
the tears of regret, the I-could-haves and the I-shouldn’t-haves. knowing that I could’ve done more, knowing that I’ve not done enough for these people, or for that matter, for people in general brought tears to my eyes. all these people are letting go, and I’m a contributing factor.
once again God, I’ve failed you. when I’m drifting off in a self-glorifying cloud, you brought me back down to earth. and set the records straight. and reminded me once more, I’m nothing without Jesus.
and all that I do, I want to do it because You care for Your people.
