the sinner seek devotion.

Though I realised how cui my life can sometimes be, I’m so grateful for the many blessings God has rained in my life (and in others’ lives too!) It’s been so crazy, and God has been so good. Looking back on the past weeks, I’ve really been struggling (felt like I had been leopard crawling all the time, ouch!) but all these were for His purpose.

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Dear Friend,

I don’t think I’d have the opportunity to say this to you, but I’ll post it here anyhow as it serves as a reminder for myself.

I have failed as a friend, to provide the encouragement, appreciation, listening ear and a shoulder for you to cry on. I’d have written more encouragement notes for you, so that they can be timely to lift your spirits up. I’d have been silent and hear you pour out your sorrows over coffee. I’d have thanked you more frequently for your service towards me.

I have never meant for those words to agitate you for the sake of annoying you. Because I believed God would have wanted to hear from you but you probably wouldn’t have given Him the time to talk to you and listen to you. I only hoped for those words to prompt you to reconsider certain decisions you were going to make. But I am sorry, I think I have failed to put it across gently and in a loving manner.

I know it’s too late to apologise now that we’ve come to such a situation. I know this relationship may possibly be never restored to what it was before, but I believe God will surely restore things in our hearts.

I’d only pray that you know that I have genuinely cried for you many times, fasted for you many times, prayed for you many times and have been heartbroken many times. Not so that I may boast of my sacrifices, but to let you know beyond all the things you disagree with me doing…

I still loved you.

-

God, tonight I am on my knees with tears streaming down my cheek. The hurt was so deep there were no words on my mouth but only moans and groans as Your Spirit interceded for me. In the end, I can only imagine how much You loved us.

I pray that someday he will find You again. But, today will not be the day. It may not even be tomorrow, in fact, I may never have a chance to see that day. But Lord, let Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

…when everything goes terribly wrong.

I couldn’t do what I had planned to do. I had to put up with certain people. I sat and sometimes stood there, along with many others, for hours waiting for nothing to happen. I came home and realised that sometimes there’s just not a lot I can do…

It’s those kind of days when I’ve to sit before God like a child and listen to what He has to say about my life. But honestly, right now, I feel like a frustrated, short-fused and rebellious brat that’s demanding an answer for all that’s happened.

God, what can I do?