It’s the kind of day…
…when everything goes terribly wrong.
I couldn’t do what I had planned to do. I had to put up with certain people. I sat and sometimes stood there, along with many others, for hours waiting for nothing to happen. I came home and realised that sometimes there’s just not a lot I can do…
It’s those kind of days when I’ve to sit before God like a child and listen to what He has to say about my life. But honestly, right now, I feel like a frustrated, short-fused and rebellious brat that’s demanding an answer for all that’s happened.
God, what can I do?
The most unimaginable thing to do.
Today has been a day of breakthroughs.
#1 I just did the most unimaginable thing this morning. I had a dream last night and I felt pretty confused when I woke up. I could either 1) get absurdly angry with the individual I dreamt about or 2) know that God is prompting me about my hurts. So I chose to have faith and believe in God that I needed a breakthrough with a particular relationship. I took out my phone and I typed this word-for-word:
“good morning dad. i just want to say i love you and i’m learning to treasure you more. have a blessed day. see you tonight”
Now, that wasn’t anything special. But trust me, I wouldn’t harbour such a thought a couple of years back. As you know, I’m not an expressive person, neither is my dad, and I think I sort of took him for granted. (okay, I did) I’m the typical male who doesn’t say mushy stuff (wonder how I’ll ever say ‘I love you’ to my girlfriend…) and my dad is the typical male who doesn’t reveal his soft side. Anyway, I kept away all the hurts over the years and I knew God wanted me to give it up, take a step forward. So I woke up this morning on my bed crying and guess what? My bunkmate caught me tearing! (SO PAISEH.) Thank God he was like,’ eh you ok? wanna see MO?’ I think he thought I had a bad flu or something haha.
Anyway, God tore down a huge chunk of the wall I’ve built up around my heart… you know what? I think I just took a major turning point in my walk with God. Let the healing begin, let my life be rebuilt.
Moving on to #2…
#2 I saw discipleship in another light and I really need to re-evaluate the way mentoring is done. At the end of it all, what I really want to do is to build people who are strong and will last the distance. No man-made system is perfect but all of us can do our best to help one another grow in our walk with God.
Man, I really had my eyes open wide today. I’m pretty sure things won’t be the same again from this point onwards, and I pray God will teach me His ways more and more daily 
Be my everything.
I went to prayer meet with my caregroup with sore fingers after practising worship songs last night. I haven’t had a chance to play my guitar on a daily basis since I don’t bring it to camp, so my fingers were stiff and the calluses were gone :/ It’s pretty bulky and unwise to bring it on sunday nights and bring it back on friday evening especially with a backpack full of laundry.
So anyway, I was praying last night that God would help me minister, because it came to a point that my fingers were too sore to press the strings. I also had no idea how it would all turn out…
But thank God! I enjoyed worship today, and God really challenged me to use dynamics in my playing especially when we sang The More I Seek You more meditatively, but at the same time hit a high on the song Everything. I’m pretty certain the Spirit led because I thought worship transited smoothly and I was ministered!
You know something, at the end of the day, our own abilities and skills may fall short… but God never fails to make it up. Sore fingers, late nights and sweat… it’s all worth it yeah!
And now, to give my fingers a well-deserved break
